Love this, Kate. My own demand avoidance gets triggered by this place - people are friendly and ask questions in the comments, and my brain goes ‘arrrrrrghhh no’ and I have to go into hiding for three days. It’s hard to explain how terrible it feels.
I've been happy making collages for a week while my house resembles a crack den due to avoidance. I have had flickers of shame which threaten to take me down. Creativity has won. Emily would approve I'm sure.
My whole life my refrain has been ‘stop telling me what to do!’, as a child I used to voice it, as an adult I had learn to keep it inside and it only escapes at times of extreme frustration now. I’ve tried all sorts of strategies to help. I think once I realised what it was it became easier, and now I can sit with an idea etc for a while and come round to it. Even simple things like hubby telling/ asking me if I want to go out somewhere - even if I do want to, my gut response is always no. I’ve learnt to dither now. To give myself time to get away from the PDA feeling and then answer.
When I see other people have PDA (like me), I also float questions and give them ample time and space to respond. I know I’ll often get a “hell no” first followed a few hours later by, “Actually, let’s do it!” 😂
I've never framed the way I feel and react in this way but it makes so much sense. I think it's why I never really feel a part of any group I'm meant to be in. I always feel so detached from everything they want to do. And when I'm not working I throw myself into my art leaving no time for the things I don't want to do anyway, e.g. various household tasks I know others find trivial but throw me into a tizzy. Luckily my husband is not like me and takes all that in his stride so he keeps the house in order whilst I work and paint.
Love this, Kate. My own demand avoidance gets triggered by this place - people are friendly and ask questions in the comments, and my brain goes ‘arrrrrrghhh no’ and I have to go into hiding for three days. It’s hard to explain how terrible it feels.
Yes. Mine is why despite the fact I have lots of thoughts and two different things to write about on here I do not have a Substack.
Ain’t that the way it is!!!!
Feels like many in this community can relate to this 💕 As ever, thanks for sharing.
Nothing irks me like, “You should watch/read this - you’ll love it!”
How would they know? What are they basing that judgment on?
I also perversely avoid watching or reading things that have become immensely popular. Still haven’t seen the Barbie movie.
I've been happy making collages for a week while my house resembles a crack den due to avoidance. I have had flickers of shame which threaten to take me down. Creativity has won. Emily would approve I'm sure.
My whole life my refrain has been ‘stop telling me what to do!’, as a child I used to voice it, as an adult I had learn to keep it inside and it only escapes at times of extreme frustration now. I’ve tried all sorts of strategies to help. I think once I realised what it was it became easier, and now I can sit with an idea etc for a while and come round to it. Even simple things like hubby telling/ asking me if I want to go out somewhere - even if I do want to, my gut response is always no. I’ve learnt to dither now. To give myself time to get away from the PDA feeling and then answer.
I love the thought of learning to dither.
When I see other people have PDA (like me), I also float questions and give them ample time and space to respond. I know I’ll often get a “hell no” first followed a few hours later by, “Actually, let’s do it!” 😂
Thanks so much for your candour and kindness in sharing these experiences. They help me continue to make sense of myself and my youngest son.
I've never framed the way I feel and react in this way but it makes so much sense. I think it's why I never really feel a part of any group I'm meant to be in. I always feel so detached from everything they want to do. And when I'm not working I throw myself into my art leaving no time for the things I don't want to do anyway, e.g. various household tasks I know others find trivial but throw me into a tizzy. Luckily my husband is not like me and takes all that in his stride so he keeps the house in order whilst I work and paint.
I so loved this read...I was "muchly" entertained and interested!
This is brilliant. I love the conversation with Emily. The recognition. Thank you for sharing this!